Chariots of fire

I rode my bike home from the space today!  Parts of it were sheer glory.  I get to cruise the Ellerbee Creek Trail, and it's so lovely.  Well shaded, cool, not too many people on it and the smells were insane.  A potent concoction of gardenia, magnolia, honeysuckle and Newton knows what else.  Just sweet and summery and utterly delightful.  And then I had to go through the small mountain range that makes up the neighborhood around my house.

I finally had to start walking up Mt Lavender, cursing everyone who ever encouraged me to ride a Darwin-damned bike.  Who's terrible idea was this?  Where did these 45% cliffs come from?  What is that I smell?  Oh, it's me? Wow.

Yeah, yeah, I got over it and finally made it home and mostly don't hate anyone, although I'm a hot, sweaty, nasty mess.  Despite that, I also feel really happy.  I feel more connected to where I live and play.  To my neighbors and the little bunny that totally mad-dogged me as I rode by.

And tomorrow, I'm gonna do it again, but this time BOTH WAYS!

Robin's Egg Blue

Last weekend I started the reversal of my neglectful gardening strategy.  I started whacking away at fiercely overgrown shrubbery and eliminated unfortunate maple saplings. Where they have been coming from I have no idea, I don't have any maples in my yard, or even really near mine!  I know that I have many years of neglect to make up for, but I'm hoping we have a much more attractive yard this year.

During week one, I discovered an (empty) robin's nest in the the shrubs at the front of the house.  That one I pulled out, since it had one broken egg in it, and I really needed to chop where it was resting.  The good thing about finding it, was that it made me more mindful of checking for nests, so I wouldn't be an evil baby bird killer.  So when I was beating back a shrub on the side of the house, and saw another nest, I was able to see 4 brightly colored eggs!  So for that shrub I trimmed up the front and side, but stayed away from the back.  I'll have to get to it once the eggs are hatched.  The super awesome thing about this nest is it is fairly high, and right below our dining room window, so we have a, well, bird's eye view.  I do have to be really slow about the curtain otherwise I frighten off the adult bird, but I am really looking forward to watching this nest.

It reminds me of our Arcadia apt in LA, when a hummingbird nested in a massive jade tree hedge right out our back door.  It was the perfect level for me to sit on the stoop and watch the nest and the hatchling.

Yesterday, I tackled another set of maple saplings in front of our fence and tried clearing out some of the weirdness in our line of crepe myrtles, although there is still a lot of work to be done in that section.  But it was threatening rain and I really need to figure out how to identify more of the flora that is there.  I'm pretty sure there are raspberries growing, and I'd love to make sure they stay and can take over the space.

The next few weeks, my plan is to finish clearing the shrubs right on the fenceline, fixing the fence, cleaning and repainting it.  I'd like to plant sunflowers in my flowerbed and maybe some simple flowering annual in front of the fence.  Maybe some black-eyed susans, zinnias or cosmos.  And hire goats to attack the scary overgrowth that is our backyard.

Testing...

So, I've kind of failed at daily blogging, but you know, whatev.


What I have managed to do is health care wrangling!  I got my second round of bloodwork taken yesterday, to see if I'm still anemic or if the little white pills are working.  I went to visit a nice head shrinker today, who started my evaluation for Adult ADD.  Did you know there is actually a computerised test to help diagnose? How cool is that?  It's not perfect (apparently), but it is pretty cool. 

She also suggested that I see if I'm Vitamin D deficient, since she said she's had a bunch of lactose intolerant patients who were Vit D deficient, and that vitamin supplementation had an impact of cognitive function in those patients.  I gave my PA a call to see if we could get the vit d thing tested with the blood that was taken yesterday.  That would be very convenient, and would require a lot less blood being taken from me.  I'm a fan of that.

She did ask 'so, what triggered you coming here?' while a big part is that I'm tired of not being as successful as I could, really, it's frustrating to be trying to do something and you realize you're researching Vikings or peeling a potato instead of getting the stuff done that you want to get done. 


She also thought I was a lesbian, and was very delicate about asking about my partner.  I guess because I put 'spouse' and not 'husband' as a to our relationship.  Or it's time for me to get a tattoo, and I'm the only one that doesn't know it.

Units of time

We have rotated 365 times since Alex died.

We have spun around the sun one time since Alex died.

I've been trying to figure out how to mark his passing.  But after a long talk with Scott, I realized...it's not his passing I should be thinking about, but his life.  His passion and love of life. Of music and art and joy.  The towering love he felt for his family, his friends.

My goal today was to make a little music, a little art, a little joy, in his honor.  Scott and I sat down and painted together, adding some photos Scott took.  I realized I hadn't dyed my hair in over a year, so I did that.  I might have melted my hair, but I can't help but giggle.  I know Alex would laugh his ass off at my hairrowing mishap, and if need be, would help me shave the mess off.

I'm going to take the joy he gave me into every single day that I get on this spinning rock.

Well, I'm sharp tongued, does that count?

Many moons ago, my friend Sarah created the most wonderful 18th birthday gift basket. Of the things in it, I'm going to say the most fabulous was a book.  Not just any book, but Penguin's The Portable Dorothy Parker.  If you are not familiar with her work, RUN RUN RUN and get to reading.  I still dream of having my very own Algonquin Round Table.

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,

Shivering and sighing,

And he vows his passion is

Infinite, undying,

Lady, make a note of this —

One of you is lying.

Breakfast smoothies

We've been meaning to make breakfast smoothies since we came back from Seattle and Carol was making them for us.  They were such a lovely part of breakfast (and all that yummy fruit made me feel good) that we wanted to continue doing it.  So it's taken us...3 months or so to finally make some.  Although we've been doing more breakfasts together in general, it's typically just been a bagel.

I used Alton Brown's smoothie recipe like so:

4 oz soy milk (I used vanilla silk)
4 oz juice (he recommends grape, acai or pom; i used the v8 fusion acai mixed berry b/c it's what I like)
4oz banana (this was the only nonfrozen fruit I used, since ours arn't brown yet)
4oz frozen strawberry
4oz frozen peach
4oz frozen blueberries

He says to put the whole mess together and keep in fridge overnight, but we kept forgetting to do it (thus the many months of no smoothies), so this morning I threw caution to the wind and just made the damn thing anyway (since our blender is supposed to handle ice, how hard can some frozen fruit be?).  Outcome = delicious!  We split the smoothie between us and split a bagel.  Perfect lovely breakfast!  Although we failed to make coffee, so we'll probably both be pokey today.

Side Note: our blender apparently no longer changes speed, which, you know...weird.  I guess I need to start looking into a new one.

It's an anniversary...

I woke up weirdly early this morning (4am, ugh), mostly thinking about Canela, and just missing her, even that noxious breathe.  As I got up and puttered around, hoping to get sleepy again, I saw that Scott had marked today.  It's been exactly 3 years since I drove from Los Angeles, CA to Durham, NC.  I rolled in my beloved silver Jetta (RIP) filled to the brim with the last bits of my LA life.

I was trying to surprise Scott for dinner at MnMnz's, but the horrific hailstorm (and freeway construction) that nailed me in Charlotte (and followed me for many hours) conspired to a much later arrival.

I can't remember if we ended up crashing at MnMnz's or if we rolled over to Hobbit House.  Since the furniture (and dogs) were already settled at "home", I think we must have ended up there.

It's a little odd, but I felt like the move to Durham was the first "me" powered move/relocation.  Although I loved LA, I was much more compelled to go there by people than compelled by the place.  I felt compelled to move to and live in Durham.  And after 3 years?  I'm little less rabid, but I still love Durham.

Road tripping!

Scott and I are meandering through eastern NC, heading towards Wilmington and the azalia festival.

I am playing with blogging via my phone, which is interesting. We shall see how it goes!

So far it has been fun and while my sinus headache is still at bay, my eyes are starting to get pissy.

Yellow Scum

So, apparently we have a record high amount of pollen in the air.  It seems like everyone has been nailed with this, as punishment for our 'mild' winter.  I hear that the worst place in the state for tree pollen right now is Winston-Salem, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much.

However, I've been obsessively wiping surfaces and trying to knock down the pollen count in the house, which I know is a fools game, but it makes me feel like I'm doing SOMETHING, you know?  Other than trying not to claw my eyes out from the itchies.

On doing things that really suck and make you crazy

I just got back from helping my Dad pack up my Bubbie's condo, and move her stuff up to her in WI.


To say the entire experience was kind of hellish and exhausting just doesn't cover it.  It was so stressful my insanely constant period came a week early.  


Some of it we really could have planned for better, but the truth is, any kind of moving just SUCKS.  There is no way around it, unless you have tons of money and can just walk away and let someone else deal while you're on vacation, it's going to suck royally.


How do I keep finding myself in situations where really, it's just going to suck?  This last year has put me in numerous situations that are really all about other people.  I don't think of myself as being particularly martyr-like or anything, but situations that are maybe not so healthy for me.


I know I'm shitty at some aspects of friendship.  When I call a friend, I'll happily chat for hours, but I'm not likely to call daily/weekly/monthly and I'm terribly at letters and cards.  But when called to met someone in the desert with shovels, I'll bring two different kinds and a plastic tarp.  


What does this have to do with anything?  There are things you just DO.  I wasn't going to let my dad deal with the move by himself.  I'm not going to let friends suffer where I could be helping.  Family is really important to me, especially since we're all scattered to the winds.  I'm shitty at staying in touch, but there really isn't anything I wouldn't do for my family, and there are a lot of people who arn't blood but are family to me.


Just don't ask me to help you move anytime soon.  I will leave you for the wolves.